Tag Archives: miami new times

More Review Stuff

This was a review by the Miami New Times for the AlukarD project I was a part of.  If you don’t know of AlukarD it was this weird, rock, punk, hip hop thing I did with Level from Miami and a bunch other Sweet Water hooligans.  They’re great peoples and it was by far the most fun I had with any of my experimental projects.  To check out the AlukarD project you can go to the link below.



Alukard celebrates its debut full-length release at the Vagabond this Thursday

A A AComments (0)By Arielle Castillo Thursday, Feb 11 2010

After a seemingly endless heyday, rap-rock eventually became one of the most reviled musical artifacts of the end of the last millennium. But it’s been more than a decade since then. Fred Dursthas disappeared from everywhere except Twitter, and critical darlings such as Cage are starting to rhyme over guitars again. So the timing of Miami band Alukard’s debut full-length, One Shot, seems fortuitous. To lump it in with the crappy nu-metal-with-scratching of two decades ago, though, would be seriously wrong.

First, there is no DJ in Alukard, and the group’s style is more diverse than one might initially expect. The band members have dubbed it “305 rock,” and it’s a punk- and hardcore-fueled brew that still occasionally dabbles in ska, acoustic balladry, and even a touch of New Wave. Over all of this, a twin attack of MCs seems to barely control and egg on a joyous chaos.

One Shot is clearly the product of much labor and love. Released on the band’s own imprint, Labeless Records, it’s clearly conceived as a total package, an anomaly in today’s download-by-track music landscape. The disc weighs in at a for-these-times hefty 15 tracks, complete with an intro and an outro with a hidden track. The best ones are the most balls-out. Songs such as “44 Kaliber Love Letter,” “Molotov Cocktease,” and “The 5th” hinge on furious blasts of guitar stops and starts that crescendo into epic choruses and breakdowns; it’s the kind of thing you would want to listen to before an MMA bout.

The real stars here, though, are MCs Level and E. Grizzly, who have something Durst and company never had: quality rapping and flow. Level, aBrooklyn native who also plays rhythm guitar for the group, is particularly skilled, able to switch among Zack de la Rocha-style incantations, a soaring melodic croon, and a half-grizzled bark. (With that last voice, he would do well as a hardcore frontman.) Grizzly, meanwhile, hails from Philly and boasts a serious Northeastern flavor, floating in and out of the mix to keep the energy level maxed out. The band, too, is surprisingly tight; lead guitarist Stuntman Steve especially shreds, with a few searing, thrash-worthy solos.

Things occasionally slow down on One Shot, with a pseudo-love song in “On Our Way” and a strummy flight of stardom fantasy in “Just Maybe.” These are perfectly adequate but unnecessary: Alukard is best with its levels at 11. Hipster music this ain’t, but the band’s audible passion and dedication to its hometown might win you over in spite of yourself.

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Ric Delgado Does Rock

Ric Delgado is a writer formerly of the New Times in South Florida.  The New Times are the equivalent to The Village Voice in NYC.  It’s the top alternative News Source in South Florida.  I’ve befriended a few writers from the New Times and around the country.  I figure if they are ballsy enough to write an article about my rebellious, anti society music then we are some what on the same page.  I try to keep up with all the writers that wrote articles about me just to show my gratitude towards them.  They’re all very cool people in my book so when something bad happens to any of my writer buddies I try to support them.

This story starts off with Ric Delgado being asked by the New Times to write an article with sarcastic, and potentially offensive humor.  Ric’s sense of humor is sarcastic and offensive so this was something he had no problem doing.  He wrote an article about pleasantly plump female musicians he wants to bang or have sex with.  The editor of the New Times thought it was funny and she published the article.  Then all hell broke lose.  Tons of blogs and writers around the country ripped Ric for his offensive humor.  There was even blogs put together to get Ric fired and to complain to the New Times Headquarters which is the Village Voice.  To make a long story short Ric was blamed for the whole thing and was fired from his job as a writer for the New Times.

Before I get to all the things wrong with this let’s go through the article.  Just a warning if you are a chunky chick you might get offended.  I will just go through some quotes people had huge issues with.  the first one is:

“The entertainment industry may be the most shallow industry in the world, and for that fact alone, bigger girls who manage to make it have sex appeal times a million.”

We live in a screwed up society and it sucks that things are like this but there’s no denying that this is the truth.  The entertainment industry is shallow and successful big girls do have more sex appeal the same way men who are successful have more sex appeal.  I try not to live this way but it’s still an unspoken truth about our society and if you deny this then you are blind to the world we live in.  Another quote is:

“If we were dating Ditto, we’d happily cheer for her in the first row of Gossip concerts, patiently waiting for her to finish her set with towel and vanilla ice cream in hand.”

This is obviously a joke.  No one is going to be literally waiting in a concert with ice cream in their hand so they can give it to a big musician coming off stage.  It’s silly to take this comment or any of this article literally.  If you did take this literally then there’s a chance you might be way to sensitive for your own good and you should work on your sense of humor.  Another joke is:

“It doesn’t matter how big Simpson gets; she stays as dumb and sexy as ever. Any man would happily give up everything to live with Simpson in a trailer and feed her KFC Blackjack Sandwiches.”

He’s referring to Jessica Simpsons pregnancy and yes it’s undeniably a joke.  Once again if you took this joke literally then there’s a chance you are ultra sensitive and you might need to work on your sense of humor.  Obviously Jessica Simpson wouldn’t be living in a trailer and eating KFC Black Jack Sandwiches.  And Jessica Simpson portrayed herself as a cliche dumb blond on TV.  I’m not saying she is dumb but that’s the image she made for herself.  This is reality. Another quote is:

“Can we all be in agreement that the recently rounder and more Snookieesque Aguilera is sexier than when she was an 85-pound waif?”

Yes, I agree.  Some people pointed out that this is offensive to fat women and skinny women.  Really?  Are you that sensitive that you will fish for insults when they are not there?  Look there is logic behind a skinny women being unattractive.  Super slender women look unhealthy.  Unhealthiness is generally not attractive.  Christina Aguilera does look waaaaaay better now then when she was super skinny.  Get a grip people.  Another joke that caught alot of heat is his joke about Aretha Franklin saying she:

“rolled down the fried-chicken-and-waffles mountain a long time ago”

Aretha Franklin owns a chain of Chicken and Waffle Restaurants.  She obviously seems perfectly secure with her love for chicken and waffles.  Now you can look at this and say this implies racism but it also implies as a freaking joke that is funny if you knew that Aretha owns these restaurants.  And on another subject, my black friends say the fried chicken stereotype is ridiculously stupid because everybody eats fried chicken.  Once again, get a grip people.

Look I feel that you should be considerate towards peoples feelings but I also think it is unhealthy to be this sensitive.  If this article was about fat men there would be no complaints at all.  We all know women are generally more sensitive then men, and yes big women have it tough, but people create a false reality for them just to make them feel better and it’s wrong.  Have you girls ever heard men talk when they are by themselves?  Yeah it’s not right, but it’s reality.  You think you debating this subject is going to stop men from talking sexist like they always do?  HELL NO.  Men are men.  Deal with it.  It’s reality.  If you feel this strongly about the subject maybe you should take care of yourself more instead of getting a complete stranger fired and black listed because you are sensitive about your weight.  It’s your weight!!  It’s your life.  Take control of it.

Here are some common racist slurs used by the rest of the world to describe Americans.  One is M.O.B. which stands for Morbidly Obese Bodies.  Another is S.C.A.B. which stands for Stupid Caucasian American Bitches.  Another is A.I. which stands for American Ignorance.  This is why America gets a bad reputation for actions like this towards Ric Delgado.  Ric was asked to write this article by the New Times.  It wasn’t his idea.  Ric didn’t publish the article.  Every newspaper has an editor who approves articles and this article was approved by the New Times editor.  Ric was put under the bus by the New Times so they can save their reputation.  Not only are they not taking responsibility for their actions but they are also not defending the people who work so hard for them.  It’s wrong but it’s corporate America and I understand.  That’s just the way it is.  I’m not going to try to get anybody fired because of it.  Actually Arielle Castillo wrote a rebuttal against Ric but I still have tons of respect for Arielle and still consider her super awesome.  She’s wrote articles about me in the past and I’ll always be appreciative about that.  Why?  Because I’m not blind and ultra sensitive to the truths of reality.  For more about this subject you can google Ric Delgado, or go to Ric’s web site ricdelgado.com.

The Lucha Libre women terrorizer that is Ric Delgado.

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Shit Miami Bands Say..

A great convo with me and fellow artists Level, Ben, and Ric of Miami turns into an article.  All four of us are such good company that what we say can be printed in newspapers.  Props to Ric for making it happen.


Shit Miami Bands Say… A 31-Point List of Local Musicians’ Constant Complaints

By Ric Delgado Thu., Feb. 16 2012 at 8:30 AM
Categories: Local Music

A week ago local poet, musician, and promoter Benjamin Shahoulian started a comment war on his Facebook page, stemming from his frustration at local musicians’ constant complaints about promoters.

As the exchanges were getting pretty intense, hip-hop artist and promoter Erik Grizzly jokingly suggested making a video for “Shit Miami Bands Say.”

With input from Alukard’s Level and this author, the one-liners came together with surprising ease.

So Miami filmmakers, here’s the script … Make the video.


1. “Why is my name so small on the flyer?”
2. “Uh, when do we play?”
3. “Can you call my guitarist for me?”
4. “You can find me at myspace.com/nobodycares.”
5. “I didn’t bring any cables. Can you ask that other band if I can borrow some and a guitar too?”


6. “Hey, I have work in the morning. Can you tell that other band to let us go first?”
7. “We can’t play tonight ’cause my bass player got mono from the drummer’s girlfriend.”
8. “No, I can’t use a backline, I only like my own kit.”
9. “We need a half-hour to set up and another half-hour to break down for our 20-minute noise set.”
10. “Flyers? You’re the promoter. My job is to play music, man.”


11. “One more song? OK! I’m sure the next band won’t mind.”
12. “Let’s go drink in the car.”
13. “Can I get a drink ticket for my drummer’s cousin’s sister’s friend?”
14. “What do you mean you don’t have a mike for the bass drum?”
15. “Hey, my girlfriend doesn’t have to pay, right?”


16. “Drum circles are so much better than this show.”
17. “How much am I getting paid, bro? I brought my family!”
18. “I can’t play with that band. I fucked their drummer’s girlfriend.”
19. “Awesome band. Singer sucks, though.” Or, “Awesome singer. Band sucks, though.”
20. “Yeah, man, I play live. On my laptop.”


21. “Come check out my band. We’re playing at Churchill’s. We’re the 14th band on the outside stage.”
22. “We’re like dubsteb. But not like your normal dubstep. We’re like the new dubstep. You know, so we’re dubstep. But you know, different.”
23. “Our timeslot is 11 p.m., but I think that really means 2 in the morning or something.”
24. “This is for charity? So we’re not getting paid?”
25. “Who decides who plays Ultra?”


26. “We’re going on tour to Broward and Palm Beach.”
27. “Oh yeah, I played there a while back. But can you get me booked?”
28. “He doesn’t have to pay. He carried my bass drum.”
29. “She’s carrying my mike stand and her boyfriend has the power cord for my amp.”
30. “I’m the singer. This is my band.”
31. “You said they were going on after us! Bro, they’re gonna kill the crowd!”

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